Sick. Being sick. Why does it have to suck sooooo bad? What's the point of making us suffer even if we do take care of our bodies? I've been sick for a while and you can even ask Jacob I take care of my body and eat real food not junk food so why am I sick? It sucks sooooo much too the air throats achy body head aches damn they all are the worst! Not to mention the coughing if you have that an the runny nose. Even if you take meds it will take you a while to get better and that's the worst part is having to go through normal everyday life while feeling like shit. You just want to go home and sleep and not wake up until you were better lol I only wish that could happen or I wish I wouldn't ever get sick! Now thy would be pretty great but too bad sickness will always be there.

Soo close..

Only 2 and 1/2 more months my love! Then you'll be moved in with me finally :)  I can't stop thinking about our Santa Cruz tripn and the weekend you got to stay the night at my house! Your aunt would kill you if she found out hahah but it was such a great time. I miss falling sleep next to you and your face being the first thing I see when I wake up. My sheets smelled like you for the first two night and it only mader it harder for me to go to bed without you. Even our puppy was confused! :)  well babe im real excited for the life we have ahead of us, If only time would go by faster!  Our life is going to be more then amazing!!! Just stay strong baby and stay positve. We can make it through this, were already half way there. Forever 'Never my love<3

hmmm..

Im not happy with life anymore... I can't seem to find the will power or a reason to even wake up in the mornings. I miss the way life use to be, I miss the glow in your eyes and the smile you  always had on your face.  My heart is cold, empty and full of hatred.  I always thought I was a strong person. I've been through hell and back, and thought I could handle anything.. but when you take the one person in my life that means everything to me, I lost it..  Things WILL get better, I will find happiness with myself once again and he will be by my side through everything like he's always been. He's my rock.  Im trying  .. wish me luck.....

...

I'm not perfect, not even slightly close to it. I can be the biggest bitch in the world and not even give a second thought. Thats not the person I want to be. . .  Changing into something was easy for me, I changed without even realizing it. Changing out of it seems to be a lot more challenging...
 I hate carrying around all this anger, Its slowly bringing me down. Its making me push away the one boy whos been here for me now matter what.  He never once judged me or my past. He pushed it a side and fell in love with the person I became. He's been more then perfect to me and I act as if im not satisfied. Its not him, Im not satisfied with myself.  There so many things about my life that I wish I could change. I don't want to be Amy anymore.

032909

"Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker." <3

"Everyone says love hurts, but that isn't true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt."

pissed..

ughh omfg you really know how to piss me off!!  Im sooo fucking over all this..  Im done being nice, I will say what I want to and be as rude as I would like, Ill stick up for myself since you can't do it for me. I dont care about these people anymore. They are nothing to me! I HATE her, HATE her!!! more then I have ever hated anything or anyone in this world!! I would rather walk on glass then have to hear her lies! I would rather be burnt alive then have to stare at her ugly ass hairy face!!  I have soo much hate in my heart right now. I can fully understand why people take other peoples life out of anger now! Some people just came out of the devils ass...  Im a ticking time bomb with not much time left... any second now I will explode taking down with me the bitches that cuased this all shit...  KARMA! just wait for it...

I miss you...

I miss you.. I miss looking into your eys.. I miss your skin against mine.. I miss your soft gentel kisses.. I miss hearing your voice.. I miss seeing your smile.. I miss that laugh thats always made me smile.. I miss cuddling in my big bed.. I miss wrestling around and you really hurting me.. I miss taking puppy on walks and us just talking about life.. I miss riding bikes around at night with the siblings..  I miss everything little thing about you baby.  This is by far one of the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life! Its driving me crazy not being able to talk to you or spend time with you. Im trying to stay strong for the both of us but every second of the day something reminds me of you. Like the dentist today, Im so use to you sitting next to me holding my hand and laughing at me when i gleek on myself, or going to costco and eating everything we can find. I was all by myself today and I never felt so lost... I took hanging out with you for granted because i never thought it would change. boy was I wrong..  I need you baby I cant do this by myself. Why would she want to hurt us both so bad?  she the worst parent I have ever met in my life. She doesnt care if you are happy, and long as she gets what she wants and as long as shes happy then thats all that matters. Shes a selfish, hypocritical, unhappy, bitter old lady who has to makes other people unahppy to build herself up. Im not the jelouse one, you and that fat ugly disgusting creature that even God is ashamed of creating are!! you see how happy we are and how much love we have for eachother and your jelouse you have no one in your life to give you that. Take a look in the mirror every once in awhile, Take time and think about the person you are.. maybe youll figure out why. as for the other one, he is MINE! you had your chance with him and you failed, that doesnt mean you should try to make ours faile also. we are a strong couple and nothing will break us, why is it so hard fir you to get that through your giant ass head? stop coming around, he doesnt like you! He doesnt even want to be your friend, he wants nothing to do with you so give it up because you make yourself look more stupid then you already fucking do!! You have no control over this relastionship and you have no control over me and I know for a fact that drives you fucking crazy! GET OVER IT!  your pushing that poor boy away just like you pushed his sister. You wounder why he loves me soo much, well maybe its because im nothing like you and I will never EVER be!!  Your a 40 year old woman, why the fuck are you trying to pick on a 17 year old??!! I have done nothing to you, nothing at all! You think me calling you a "bitch" is a big deal? It was the truth and everyone knows it so stop acting all suprised. If you dont like being called it then maybe you should change. and in the mean time stop trying to get me in trouble! my dad does not care that I called you a bitch because it was the truth. Im not getting kicked off the cheer team which I know is what you want to happen but keep dreaming lady! Dont be mad at me because your too fat to do pretty much anything other then swim in a pool and drink wine! Its time you left high school and stop with all the drama, grow up and get over yourself. This time you owe me and my family an apology and until then you are nothing to me and we will treat you like the old peice of shit that you are

DRAMA!!DRAMA!!DRAMA!!!

Why do you want to hurt me?? Why do you hate me soo much?? What did I ever do to you?? Ive been just a nice person, I respected you even when you ran your mouth about me!  You are such a imature pathetic old ass woman who wishes she was still in high school because your life is soo boring!!  GROW UP!!!  Im 17 years old I act more mature then you! I carry myself with pride because I know im a real ass person! I go to bed at night and sleep well knowing im a good person. You go to bed at night and sleep well because you have "jesus" and you think your just some godly ass person! when really you are not shit!  You use him as a cover up so you can go "sin" and feel okay about it because all you have to do is pray and then your "forgiven"  ughh you are a horrible person! on the inside and out! 

SANTA CRUZZZ

The best place in the worldd :)  I love everything about that little hippy town. The weather is just absolutely amazing, the houses are adorable, the vibe is just all around great, and the beaches are beautiful!  Its our get away, our home away from all the drama and bullshit that life brings. Its where a smile is a real smile, a laugh is a real laugh and happiness is real, honest happiness.  Its the only place Ive ever felt truely happy being at.  I left my heart in Santa Cruz and thats where im keeping it tell graduation. 9 short months and ill be out of the valley and on the coast living the life I promised myself I was going live.

randoommm

eeekkk. Im soooo very nervous for the rally on friday.. Like I love cheering but i get sooo like nervous, and tense and totally freak out! Lol like no lie. I know the dance by heart Ive done it many times i can do it in my sleep but im scared im going to forget everything once i get out there :(  ohh shittt... Everyone keeps saying it will be okay but i wont if i fall on my face!!!!!!!!  thats so not fun!  Well anyways im hanging with the bestieee right now making up a cheer to show our coach, its bombbb "you wish you could dance like my black ass" as jazminn would say :) lol   crazyyy bitchhh she is.  She tried to teach me how to reject... I think she forgot I was white  hehehe  I love thissss skankk <3333  well i took my cheer skirt in to get it fixed today becaue it made me look all types of crazyy ewwwwwwwww  yeahh  and it was only 15 bucks yay saved me money woo hooo yeeeeeee. 

memoriesss

I'll never forget the day I met your crazy ass in Mr Fontanas. You were wild outgoing crazy and a bit annyoying at times and I loved every moment of it. You always had us laughing and always made me smile when I was down. You've had my back from the begining and for that I will always have yours. Cheer is what braught us together even closer this year and im soooo happy i ended up doing it. We created a bond that will never be broken. No bitch will come between uss ;)  To this very day you still have me in tears from laughing my ass off because of the dumb shit we do ... for example doing the robot at 2 in the morning  or farting on my back because you dont know how to lay down straight! lmao or the crazy kick backs with kids how cant handle themselfs or Katie just being dumb ass Katie. ahh good times good times.  The memores we've made are forever tattooed in my hart and so are you Jazzwinderrr Ruffin :) haha I love you sisterr<3